Why we need to let go of past birth experiences.

Let me start by saying I’m mostly writing this for me. Though for those of you who have been reading here long enough you probably already knew that.

I often write advice that I myself need to hear. It’s like a little virtual pep talk if you like. Much less crazy than just talking to yourself. Right? Right?!

I had a midwife appointment yesterday to discuss my birth plan. First time round I actually thought the idea of a birth plan was laughable. How can I plan something I’ve never done before and that is so unpredictable?

Last time I just rolled with everything my obstetrician told me to do. I’m actually a little bit embarrassed by how little I questioned last time. And a WHOLE LOT ANGRY about all of the decisions that I now know were made without actually asking or explaining to me properly. (But I’ll save that for my angry ranty post that I’ll publish later. Which is kind of a bit backwards as I’ve written them the other way around. I got angry first and now I’m letting it go. But for some reason I feel like they should be read backwards?!)

I don’t want to go into this birth still carrying the baggage of the last one. I NEED to let go of the fear that my last birth created because fear is the last thing anyone in labour needs. (Fear releases adrenaline which stops your labour from progressing, just as an animal would if it were faced with some form of danger).

I actually thought I had dealt with the fear and emotions from last time. And sure it may just be the pumping hormones, but when explaining some of my choices and talking about what happened, the tears started flowing. And they didn’t really stop all afternoon. (Poor Andrew. I really was quite the crazy person by the time I got home!)

Which makes me wonder… Have I really dealt with it? Or have I just buried it? It’s sometimes easy to bury our feelings when it’s not something you have to go through or talk about regularly. But of course if I haven’t dealt with it, you can bet it will surface again when I’m in labour.

So my plan for the next few weeks is to sit with my fear. I’m going to just sit with the memories and emotions of last time and find a way to let it go. I don’t need it going into labour and birth this time.

This time I feel far more empowered in my choices and (although I may regret saying this when I’m actually in the thick of it) I’m kind of excited that I get another go at it. Because I know, however this one turns out, there is one thing for sure: it will be different to last time.

Did you have to let go of your past birth before going into the next one? Or maybe you still need to let go of something?