Why you’re terrified of birth and what to do about it.
You might think the title of this post is a touch obvious. Why you’re terrified of birth – or as I’ve heard it eloquently described – why you’re terrified of pushing something the size of a watermelon out something the size of a lemon – might seem like something that doesn’t really need too much explaining.
But the questions I’ve been getting lately suggest otherwise.
Let’s start with the facts … I’ve never seen a newborn the size and shape of a watermelon so you can cross that fear off your list right now. 😉
No, but seriously, there are a number of reasons why you have a whole bunch of fears around birth, and most of them are societal NOT instinctual.
An animal is instinctual and just finds itself a quiet dark little hole to have its baby in. It doesn’t turn to the closest internet forum looking for the secret to making birth not hurt so damn much!
So if you’re currently pregnant let’s take a BIG breath and talk about why you’re afraid, why fear is a bad thing during birth and where to from here.
Watch the video below or read my transcribed reasons below.
Why you’re terrified of birth
- Fear of the unknown
It’s completely normal to be fearful and unsure of something we’ve never been through before. It makes us turn to others to look for answers on how we should be feeling about what is about to happen. If others reassure us it will be ok, we might stay a little bit uneasy but mostly we’ll feel confident. But if others tell us how terrible it will be, our fears start to grow. Which leads me to my second point…
2. Society tells us we should be scared
Think back to every television show or movie you’ve ever seen that shows a birth scene. What was the woman doing? Quietly, gently giving birth? Not likely. Chances are she was screaming in agony while people rushed around uselessly. Often the medical team is shown to be ‘doing’ the birth, or saving the day, while the mother is having it ‘happen to her’. This creates the idea in our head that birth is not something that is natural and a part of us. It takes away our power in the situation which is TRUSTING that our bodies know how to do this.
3. Other Mum’s like to vent their traumatic stories
As SOON as you fall pregnant other Mums like to share their traumatic stories. They’ll regale you with their horror stories and leave you thinking “oh SHIT, what have I got myself into?!” So let’s not sugar-coat it. Birth can be quite shocking, but not necessarily in a way that has to be described as ‘horrific’. It is completely transformative and is like nothing we experience anywhere else in our lives. It connects us with our animalistic nature, which can be overwhelming when we typically live in a world that is quite sterile (Yes there will be blood, and no you won’t actually care that it’s all over you once that baby is in your arms.) and where everything feels within our control. (Birth requires that we stop trying to control things with the mind and give our power over to our bodies to lead the way.) So... what do we do with these horror stories so helpfully shared? Say ‘thank you for sharing you story, I’m sorry you had to through that.’ and keep focused on the fact that there is another way, and you do not have to come out traumatised if you have the right knowledge going in and the right support coming out.
So what should you do?
1. Educate yourself
Rather then burying your head in the sand about this ‘big scary thing that you have to go through’ educate yourself so that you can make the right decisions for you.
Do a hypnobirthing course, or a Birthflow course with me, or any other brand of natural birthing course.
Read:
Hypnobirthing – The Mongan Methon by Marie F. Mongan, M.Ed., M.Hy
Birth Skills Class: Practical Techniques and Tools for Your Labour and Birth
2. Practice yoga
Of course I’m going to say I’d love for you to practice with me. My online studio has loads of pregnancy classes or I teach at a studio on the Sunshine Coast if you’re local. You can start by downloading my free pregnancy and birth yoga guide here.
But if you prefer to get out of the house (always a good option if you’ve got other little people around), find a teacher you really connect with. The friendships you can make in pregnancy yoga classes will probably be your lifeline going into motherhood. Highly recommend!
3. Get support
Now is NOT the time to pretend that ‘you’ve got this’. Now is the time to be honest about the fact that you’re shit scared and need to have the right people there to talk it over with. Your partner. A close friend. Your Mum. (Hell, send me an email if you can’t think of someone).
You need good support leading up to birth, so you can be in a good frame of mind. During – no needy people in the birth room pleaaaase. AND you need a tonne of support prepared to listen to you vent about it afterwards. It is life changing and for many of us we need to talk about it to process what we’ve been through.
What were you most afraid of going into birth and what helped you overcome it?
If you enjoyed this post, can I ask that you share it with your friends. Privately via email if you prefer, or publicly on Facebook or Instagram if that feels good for you. Sharing helps this little business of mine find the people who need it the most. Thank you for helping me to support the Mums in our community, and those who need to find us.