How to deal with the emotions of infertility

The emotions of infertility can be a rollercoaster can’t they?

There’s frustration around why your body doesn’t seem to want to work the way it’s meant to.

The sadness of yet another cycle that has passed unsuccessfully.

The jealousy when yet another person in your circle announces their pregnancy.

The longing for your baby.

The anxiety that it might never happen for you.

The anger that it seems so easy for everyone else.

The despair…

The fear…

The confusion…

I could go on and on… but you get the point.

What does ‘deal with’ your emotions mean?

First, let’s clarify what I mean by ‘deal with‘ when it comes to emotions. It can be easy to assume that ‘coping’ means we don’t become overly emotional or upset during our struggle with infertility. That we need to ‘hold it together.’

We’re taught to hold our emotions close to our heart and not to ‘bother’ other people with them. Especially when it comes to fertility – it’s often treated very much like a private issue that isn’t openly talked about.

But here’s the thing with emotions. If you don’t allow yourself to feel them (which is what I’m talking about when I say ‘deal with them’), they don’t go anywhere. You can push them down as hard as you like but they’ll just stay there in your body adding to your overwhelm.

And the funny thing about unprocessed emotions is they often try to get our attention in other ways – sometimes through illness, or aches and pains or through common patterns in our relationships that we just can’t seem to shake. Which is why it’s so important for your health (mental and physical) that you take the time to deal with them.

How to deal with your emotions of infertility

It’s pretty simple really. Hard to do in practice, but simple in concept.

Step 1. Let yourself feel how you feel

To deal with your emotions you just have to let yourself feel them. Unfortunately it’s not a one and done thing. It’s going to become a practice that you’ll have to remind yourself of every day. Allow yourself to admit to yourself how you are feeling and be honest with those around you about how you feel as well.

Infertility sucks and it’s okay to say ‘I’m having a really bad day. I’m just so sad.’ Or ‘I’m really struggling with jealousy today’.

Step 2. Stop judging yourself for how you feel.

It’s common to judge ourselves for feelings. We think ‘I shouldn’t feel like this I have a lot to be grateful for in my life already.’ But feelings don’t give a crap about ‘shoulds’. They just are. They don’t need to be right or wrong. So stop trying to judge how you should feel and just let yourself experience them instead.

Step 3. Make time and space to feel.

Many of us are very good at avoiding difficult emotions (myself included). It’s easier to eat something tasty instead to make ourselves feel better. Or veg out on the couch in front of Netflix. Or throw ourselves into work.

Anything is better than having to actually sit with and feel the uncomfortable emotions. Unfortunately though, the only way is through.

Try to not fill your days up so much that you don’t have time to notice how you’re feeling. Especially when life is challenging (like during an infertility journey) you need to intentionally give yourself extra time to deal with the emotions that come up (as they come up).

Step 4. Find what works for you.

When it comes to emotions everyone is different. Some people like to talk about what is happening to help move through it. Others would prefer not to tell anyone and write it out instead. Some people find going for a run helps to shift negative emotions. Others prefer to meditate.

Find what works for you.

One more thing before I go…. Movement is really helpful in moving on anxious thoughts and negative emotions. However I know when you’re trying to conceive it can be hard to know what sort of movement you can safely do without affecting your chances of conceiving. If you’re feeling this way, try this fertility yoga class below.

If you’re brand new to yoga or fertility yoga you might also like to download my free fertility yoga guide here.