The gifts of grief

I’ve questioned whether to publish this post or not.  My mind flips back and forward between feeling these gifts as truth and wanting to call bullshit to the lot of it and shouting at anyone who will listen that grief is not a bloody gift.  Take it back!

But perhaps you’ll relate to feeling like this as well? To one minute feeling put together; like you are getting somewhere, that you are doing okay.  That you’re starting to really accept that things happen for a reason and being open to a possible silver lining.

Then the next minute you’re an ugly crying mess on the floor because you dropped a glass, or you burnt dinner or you can’t find something you had just a minute ago.

Perhaps you’re riding the wave of grief as well and you’ve felt these gifts too, despite the fact the sometimes you want to smash the next person who tries to reminds you of them.

Gifts of Grief

Connection

I feel more connected to others than I ever think I have before, which is also kind of strange because I’ve been less social in the last month than I possibly ever have been. I’ve had emails and messages from women I usually only connect with over a funny photo of my kids on Facebook.  Suddenly we’re emailing each other back and forth about how we’re feeling and how hard this whole situation is.  I have a new found respect for how strong women really are.

Presence

Grief has put a big bloody spotlight on how fragile life is.  I feel like knowing the pain of losing a child I never really got to know has really shown me how precious every minute is I have with the people I love.  It may sound morbid but I sometimes find myself thinking ‘is this the last time I’ll see them?’ when anyone I care about leaves.  I’ve become fearful of people driving, as if the next tragedy is looming. Whilst this has the potential to turn me into a hermit that is too afraid to live, I am trying to allow this fear to just remind me to be fully present with the time we do have.

Gratitude

I don’t believe I took my boys for granted before but suddenly I can’t believe the absolute gift I have been given to raise two healthy boys. After hearing all your stories of multiple losses, of those of you who have more babies in heaven than on the ground, I have a new understand of how lucky I am to have had two healthy, uncomplicated pregnancies.  It’s something I will never take for granted again.  

Perspective 

When you’re heart is hurting suddenly the little things no longer matter.  Who cares if there are toys and crumbs all over the floor? Who cares if you don’t have much money in the bank? Who cares if your boobs are saggy and your jeans don’t fit.  Grief wipes away the unnecessary crap we spend far too much time thinking about and does a really good job at showing us what really matters.

What gifts have you found in grief?  Has it brought you closer to your partner? Has it made you reevaluate your life… for the better?

Just a little FYI, I plan to release a book mid-2017 on healing from loss. If you’d like to be the first to know when this book is available or if you’d like to contribute your story, please add your details here.