Your partner isn’t on board with changes for fertility. What should you do?

Not all partners are on board the changes for fertility that need to be made.

What do you do if your partner still smokes and drinks, while you’re trying to conceive?

What if they refuse to take any supplements?

Or even see a doctor?

Here are some of my thoughts on managing this when you’re trying to conceive. (If you prefer to watch, scroll to the bottom for the video version instead).

changes for fertility

Some things to consider if your partner isn’t on board the changes for fertility

Okay… before I get into my thoughts, let me just say this. If I’ve ever made you think that the responsibility for your fertility is 100% your issue I am so sorry.

I have received some criticism for not addressing male infertility in any of my videos or articles and the reason for this is pretty simple. I am not a man. Nor have I ever had any experience being a man. Therefore I don’t really feel like an expert on sharing what it is like to struggle to conceive when you’re a man.

With that being said, please let it be known that when it comes to conception, you are responsible for 50% of the genetic matter that creates your baby. Which means, the way your partner approaches conceiving is just as important as the way you do.

However, you can only control your own actions. I don’t recommend trying to bully anyone into making changes. Instead I want to share with you a new perspective if your partner is resistant to making changes for fertility.

Talk out your differences NOW

I’m definitely not going to go as far to say that struggling to conceive is a good thing, but it does provide you with the opportunity to see how you both handle struggle individually and as a couple before your baby arrives.

For those who don’t have any issues conceiving, they’re left working out their differences while they’re also learning to be parents. Having arguments over your values and parenting ideals, while your eyes hang out of your head from sleep deprivation, is not something I recommend. Use the time NOW to have these important conversations, before your baby arrives.

Stay connected outside of trying to conceive

When you’re struggling to conceive, it is all too easy to get tunnel vision on the topic. All you read about, talk about and think about is how to conceive. I know, I’ve been there myself. But it is so important to make space for other things, especially in your relationship.

Devote time to connecting, just for connecting’s sake. Unfortunately we can’t predict how long trying to conceive will take and you want to make sure you still like each other at the end of it.

Focus on you

When you’re making all the changes for fertility because pregnancy will happen in your body, it can be easy to feel resentful if your partner hasn’t changed anything.

While I do believe both of you should be on the same page when it comes to what you need to do to conceive, I don’t think you should waste your energy trying to tell your partner all the things they should be doing, if they seem resistant.

Instead, focus on the positive changes you can make and do your best to live your happy life. In most cases your partner will notice and get onboard the changes because they can see it’s making a difference for you. (If a yoga practice is a part of those changes, I’d love to invite you to practise with me over in my Online Yoga Circle; Yoga for fertility, pregnancy, birth and motherhood.

Consider counselling

Finally, I’d really recommend counselling if infertility is creating a lot of conflict for you and your partner. A counsellor is super helpful in being able to help you communicate what you really want to say (often what we actually say is charged with emotion and not received as we intended it).

The good news is the skills you learn in counselling now, are going to be exactly what you need as you tackle the challenge of parenthood together in the near future.

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