What’s the hurry?


Things I’ve heard frequently in the last month

11 months!  You must be working on the next one by now? eh? {really, is this an appropriate topic of conversation?}

When’s the next one due? {Are they calling me fat?}

You better get cracking on the next one! {Again, appropriate?}

You’ll have the next one soon, you don’t want too much of an age gap. {Why is that exactly? An age gap sounds like a great thing to me}

He’s is adorable. You’ll have to have another.   {Nope, I’m not fooled by the compliment}

If you have two, they’ll entertain each other. {Really? I can’t imagine Eamon is going to get much entertainment from a newborn.  Instead, we have friends, who we can give back!}

My responses (in no particular order)

Nope. Just enjoying this one.

Uhhh…. no. 

Hahaha…. (awkward silence)

When this one can change nappies.


By the way in no way do I think this type of conversation is limited to me or my situation, and I’m sure I’ve done the exact same thing to others (sorry!)

As soon as you are in a serious relationship… “So when are you getting married?”
As soon as you get married… “So when are you having kids”
As soon as you have a child… etc….

So let’s talk about why everyone is in such a hurry to reach the next ‘life stage’, complete the next task, achieve the next goal…

Why are we all in such a rush?  Do we think we’ll be happier? Is it just that old ‘I’ll be happy when…’ lie we tell ourselves to make our current situation more bearable? To me, it seems that all this rushing just means you miss out on enjoying the present, because you are too busy looking forward.  But by the time it arrives, you already have your sights set on the next ‘prize’ and forget to enjoy the previous goal anyway. 

But do you know what; I’m really happy now.  Eamon is Mr Personality Plus, and independent enough to entertain himself (for at least 5 minutes anyway).  He is happy to be looked after by grandparents which means Andrew and I can have time to ourselves when we need it.  He goes between the two of us when we are both at home, depending on who is doing the most interesting thing, giving the other a chance to do what they want.  He sleeps well.  He LOVES other kids so playgroup, trips to the park, play dates and swimming lessons happily fill our days.  He is so affectionate and now will give kisses on demand, never stopping with one (we’re hoping he learns to shut his mouth soon). 

So you know what.  I don’t really care that a two years is the ‘perfect gap’, or that my kids won’t know each other if we put too much time between them {whatever}, we are going to enjoy this time right here, right now. 

{By the way, I completely understand those who for their own reasons decide to have their children close together.  For some, financial reasons, family situations, age, etc make it a smart move.  It’s just not for us. 🙂

9 Responses to “What’s the hurry?

  • Follow the Ruels
    11 years ago

    Totally agree with you. We all need to sit back and enjoy each stage of our lives. What is the rush. I’m not even married yet and I am already getting questions about getting pregnant. I wish people would just stop.

    • Bettina Rae
      11 years ago

      Exactly. Enjoy your time now without responsibilities (to a degree anyway).

  • I think for some people making those comments is what they think they are supposed to do.
    We get are you having more? A lot, and it’s very invasive but I try to let it roll off me.
    I have 3 1/2 years between the first two and 12 before the next different age gaps produce different dynamics but no less love.

    • Bettina Rae
      11 years ago

      That’s good to know about the dynamics and sort of what I expected. Its just not something that worries me I guess.

  • Completely agree!
    Toddler C is 21 months now and I get the so when is the next one coming question all the time!
    I usually reply with something along the lines of we got it so right the first time that we don’t need to have another!

    We too are just really happy where we are and I personally don’t see any need to shake up that happiness!
    It took us about a year to get into this lovely family rhythm and I want to enjoy it for as long as possible!

    • Bettina Rae
      11 years ago

      Yeah it’s that rhythm that we’ve just hit now and I’m not messing with that. At least not now anyway.

  • Bec Zacher
    11 years ago

    Love this 😉 i am probably guilty of asking now and then but yes people often did the same to me. People seem to think once you have one you will keep pumping them out at a great rate. I fell pregnant when my first was 10 months so i have 2 under 2 and it’s very full on! The third will be much further down the track 😉 no hurry, it all goes so fast so it’s so nice to just enjoy them. I do miss my one on one time as it’s far harder to get when you have another.

  • Julia Trask
    11 years ago

    Love it! We all do it no matter where we are at, mummies or mummy-less. I guess its part of the excitement of what’s next but unfortunately it foreshadows the excitement of now. I hate those damn questions, at least its not the old ages and I’m not an on the shelf women who has become a disgrace to her family by being unmarried in my late 20s and without children. hehe. Enjoy your day! Carpe diem huh! 🙂

  • For me, who had my ‘babies’ nineteen years and four days apart, if anyone asks when am I having the next one, I tell them in 18 years. Must keep the spaces even.


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