Watering the flowers – 20 happy things

If you read my post last week you’ll know that I’ve decided I need to find my way back to just enjoying life again. I’ve lost my optimism and my hope and my ability to see the possibility in anything and I need to drag myself out of that hole.

This last week or so I’ve been laying pretty low. I’m still not physically 100% and although I am back teaching yoga, I mostly only leave the house for that and school drop off. I feel like each time I’ve lost a baby I end up with a small case of social anxiety, where I want to avoid all people and social situations because it’s just too painful and awkward.

At school drop off the other day one of the mothers asked ‘How are you? Just tired?’.

I just answered, ‘yes pretty tired‘ and thought how strange that wording was to ask an almost stranger.

It wasn’t until we were leaving that it clicked that I’d met her at a birthday party a couple of weeks ago and had told her that I was pregnant.  So now I’ve missed that awkward opening to tell her I lost the baby and have to hope that don’t see her again anytime soon and she just works it out with time? See, painful and awkward.

But anyway this post was not meant to be about my current social anxiety or anything sad. I was supposed to be focusing on the positive.

It feels completely self-indulgent to write a list of things that I want to do just to make me happy, but I’ve found that while I did set the intention to spend my time where I can making myself feel good, if I don’t have an actual thing to do, I just wander the house aimlessly, or lie on the couch feeling lost and sad.

So I decided I needed a list to tick off, to give me some direction, or something. So here are my 20 happy things to do before I turn 32 (which for the record is in August). Some are big, some are so ridiculously small they probably shouldn’t be in a list. But I know what I’m like and just ticking things off will make me feel good so that felt like a good enough reason to put them on.

  1. Take a solo retreat.
  2. Try aerial yoga.
  3. Get a massage.
  4. Take a kid-free weekend away with Andrew.
  5. Make the ensuite renovation happen.
  6. Take a family holiday away and completely switch off.
  7. Continue reading a book per week.
  8. Eat veggies from our own veggie patch.
  9. Take myself out on weekly coffee & book writing dates.
  10. Feel strong and healthy in my body again.
  11. Full moon sunset drinks on the beach.
  12. Organise a ladies nights out.
  13. Try Barre Body.
  14. Take an online course in something… Just. For. Me.
  15. Pick up my real camera again regularly instead of just my iPhone.
  16. Date nights x 2.
  17. Go to the movies.
  18. Bonfire on the beach.
  19. Fix up / decorate the front verandah.
  20. Redo our bedroom with new linen/ clear it out.

I don’t think you need to be in my particular version of ‘dark place’ to need a happy list. I think even just as busy Mums we forget to, you know, actually do things for ourselves.  So I’d love to know… what’s on your happy list? Go write it now and report back! xx

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