The Myth of Love.
Love.
It is something that has been on my mind a lot lately.
What is it?
Where does it come from?
And where does it go?
Where does it come from?
And where does it go?
It seems many of us have bought into the biggest myth about love in our culture and live our lives based on this myth. Brought up on a diet of fairy tales and popular culture that show the only effort required for love is in the chase, we believe that love exists without work or effort. And that once real love has been found it will last forever on its own accord and we will live happily ever after. And then we buy into the biggest myth of all. That it mustn’t be REAL love if it doesn’t last without effort.
Perhaps it is the use of the word ‘work’ that turns us off. We don’t want to believe that something that happens so naturally in the beginning should require effort to keep it alive. But the reality is without effort and action love does not exist.
Love is an interaction and without its demonstration it is just as intangible as other emotions that visit us fleetingly throughout the day. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship; siblings, parents, romantic partners and even friends. Love requires both people to demonstrate and acknowledge loving action, because without this it cannot be seen, or heard or felt.
The saddest part of our continued belief in this myth is that we quickly turn away from those we previously loved believing what we have mustn’t be valuable or real because we no longer feel it. When the reality is; we no longer feel it because we didn’t realise it was our actions that were keeping it alive. That we are responsible for it.
Why when everything else in life requires effort to maintain do we believe that the most important of all, love, should be effortless?
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I got with first partner at 18, we did all of the things we thought we should. House baby etc. Then I realized I did not love him and he did not love me. In part we were going through the motions because it was what was expected. I became a single Mum, and found all of the love I needed in my child. In my mid 30s I found Justin. I did not need love, but I found it, and now I have found it I will fight for it and work on it.
Great post Bettina…I agree that love can be effortless and it can also take a lot of work, understanding and even compromise. I think how I have defined love has changed over the years…and it probably will continue to change.
Thanks Caitlyn. Yes I’m sure mine will change again.
Was there ever love with your first partner do you think? Did you lose it or did it never exist?
I think that’s so true “it takes a lot and nothing for love to die”. And I think a front door sign is required “the princess culture is not welcome here!”
I was 17 when we got together. Now that I am older I can look back and say I loved him. But I am not sure if I was “in love” with him. We were both young. This sounds horrible, but one day I just knew we were forcing “it’, that we were staying together because it was the right thing to do, not because either of us wanted to.
He was this beautiful blonde surfer, who smiled all of the time. After being together for seven years we both realized we had nothing in common. I wanted to travel, he didn’t. I love trying new food, he likes familiarity. The list of differences was endless.
Tamika always questions how we were ever a couple. She sees how different we are.
I really relate to your story julie, sounds a lot like my situ with my eldest child + his dad 🙂
yes! those fairy tales and ’80s love ballads have a lot to answer for. I’ll take one of those signs too lila and bettina.
Just a lovely post Bettina. I’m learning that, for me, the key to long love is to do so unconditionally. To simply choose to love without any expectation of receiving it in return xx