Looking forward. Looking back. 2015 / 2016

2015 was a huge year for us.

Although I wonder whether anyone ever looks back at a year and thinks. ‘Well that was uneventful.’

The days of January and the start of February were long, slow and heavy. Time-warped as it always does when you’re waiting for a baby to arrive. My mind was obviously heavily focused on being a mother, labour and birth, nesting, more birth, and blessing -ways.

In stark comparison late February, March and April flew by in a flash of couch sitting feedathons, quiet family time and looking around in wonder at the fact that we have two kids. We’re actually doing it and so far nothing and no-ones fallen apart!  Rory arrived, I reflected on real love, we had to relearn how to parent a newborn, and postnatal recovery was slooooowww.

In March I released my very first online yoga video for breastfeeding mothers.  Looking back at that ten minute video reminds me how nervous I was to put that first video out there. How raw and exposed I felt. Looking back I can see how freshly postnatal I was – Rory had arrived only six weeks earlier.  I have that new mother plumpness about me and I can see the exhaustion in my eyes.

But getting over the hurdle of putting the first video out there I released five more in April – including some babywearing yoga sequences.  I got back into creativity and started drawing mandalas and made my own baby wrap style carrier.  I also reflected on the hard stuff of Motherhood that you’re not meant to talk about.

Then we hit May and at roughly the 4 month mark Rory decided to hurtle us into total sleep deprivation as he began waking like we expected him to do as a newborn. Needless to say my creative energy hit a low and I wrote about the unrealistic expectations of Motherhood and managed to only create one yoga video the whole month.

In June we welcomed Winter and having even more of an excuse to cuddle in and not do too much.  I reflected on babies and the gender divide that they create in relationships.

July was a big month! I released The Kindred Collective Birth EMagazine with Caitlin from Mother Down Under and wrote about these stories we hold close to our hearts.  Apparently July was a big creative surge for me because I also made a kid’s play tent, a rice heat pack (in a vain attempt to get Rory to sleep!) and a wall hanging. Oh and wrote about whether the internet makes us unhappy… on the internet.

That creative energy of July flowed over into August and as I quietly turned 30 I also released my free yoga with kids ebook . And I think the burnout of the previous month hit me in the form of a sore back that rendered my bed-ridden for a few days.

September was quiet on the blog as I was busy behind the scenes creating all the content for my yoga with kids course (which I was also facilitating at the same time!)  I did however create a 3 part video series to regain your core after realising that most of the women who signed up for the course needed this first.  And in response to other email questions explained how I managed to get so much done with two kids.

In October we released the second edition of The Kindred Collective magazine ‘First’ and I asked the big question ‘will I ever sleep again?’ and ‘why sometimes you just need to feel sad’.

November saw the creation of my 3 part prenatal video series (both the free and paid extended version)  I also started creating lots of videos behind the scenes for my online yoga studio.

December of course was all about Christmas  and enjoying the down time with family between Christmas and new years.

I find it really interesting that 2015 was such a big year for me creatively when I had every intention of allowing myself to just bunker down and survive this year.  I set the intention in January to just surrender to what the year held for me with two kids and working out how to be a family of four – and yet it seems that in surrendering I found myself with a flow of creative energy.

Of course it wasn’t all action and and roses.  We had our dark moments too.  When exhaustion reached our bones and we could barely function and yet somehow had to find the reserve to be soft and kind with each other.  The memory of how we fell apart the first time staying close – making sure we stuck to our resolution to do it differently this time.

And as I write this on the last day of 2015 I think I can honestly say this has been my favourite year so far.  There has been so much joy this year and we have so much to be grateful for. In many ways I feel that at 30 I have come home to myself.  That I am no longer seeking to be something, or striving.  I simply am, take it or leave it.

2016 brings with it more change as I head back to my day job (two days a week anyway) and rather than dreading the busyness that being back at work will bring I am actually looking forward to the challenge.  I think I’ve gotten better this year at sticking my hand up for help and for actually taking time out.  And one of my plans for going back to work is to get extra help and have better systems with the stuff that overwhelms me (IE. housework, grocery shopping, etc) rather than thinking I can do it all.

So wherever you are on this New Years Eve I hope you have the chance to look back on your year and really celebrate how you changed and grown.

And whether you are celebrating with friends tonight or tucking your kids into bed early and enjoying solo time on the couch (like me!)  I’d like to wish you a Very Happy New Year.  Thanks for being here. x