Let’s stop ‘should-ing’ all over ourselves.
‘I really should be … but I just don’t have the energy.’
‘I really should stop doing…’
‘I really should stop wasting time…’
‘I really should…’
How many times have you said these words in the last few weeks? Whether out loud or to yourself?
If I’m not careful this is the mantra that plays over and over in my head. Instead of enjoying the moment I waste my time feeling guilty over things that I tell myself I should be doing.
Yes, admittedly some things do need to be done by a certain time. But often the things that absolutely must be done are very simple, rather than the endless ‘to do’ list we write for ourselves.
We need to start getting honest about that ‘to do’ list and being a little bit more realistic about what we need to do, as opposed to what we tell ourselves we need to do. Especially as Mamas, we hold ourselves to ridiculous standards, that with little tornadoes to look after, are just not possible.
| Kamuka Yoga Mat |
It’s almost like the ‘to do’ list becomes so enormous that we find ourselves too overwhelmed to even start. Or worse, we give up on our own dreams because it seems like too much to manage on top of everything else. I know I’m not alone in this, with Caitlin from Mother Down Under and Naomi from Not Just A Mummy writing similar posts this week as well. We all have big goals for ourselves but our underlying focus is our family. It’s really hard to find the balance between working towards our goals and doing all the things we need to do for our family without ‘should-ing’ all over ourselves.
| Who cares what I ‘should’ be doing when I get to hang out with this cool kid! |
But it needs to stop.
It doesn’t do anything other than steal the joy from the moment. I don’t gain anything by feeling guilty about all the things I didn’t get to cross off my list today, and it certainly doesn’t help me get anything done. If anything, guilt just becomes another energy drain that we don’t need.
Yes I’m going to keep dreaming big, but I’m also going to be realistic about the time it might take me to get there. I’m going to just keep doing one small thing each day and stop beating myself up even when it feels like I’m making no progress.
Time is so precious as a Mama and I’m done wasting it with ‘shoulds’.
What about you? Are you ready to stop ‘should-ing’ all over yourself?
Should have could have… I am with you in the loss of “me” time,
Amen, Mumma. Now I’ve got to work on this theory in practice! X
Yup. So well said. I am slowly, slowly able to look at my to do list with nothing crossed off and not have palpitations. I know it will all get done…it always does. And like you said, in the meantime I am going to enjoy what is happening around me!
This post really spoke to me having mega goals as I do it’s a constant redshift of my own expectations against the needs of my family. I’m realistic and I’d like to think the family I manage all our needs and wants fairly well.
I totally get this. I’ve given up feeling like I “should” be doing everything and am trying to just live in the moment as much as I can, while still doing the things I want to to achieve some goals and get as much fun and enjoyment with my family as possible.
Great post! When you become a mum your whole focus changes and your priorities are suddenly dramatically different to how they were before. ‘We all have big goals for ourselves but our underlying focus is our family.’ This sentence really resonates with me because the challenge is always about how to manage this delicate balance.
Thanks Tracy. I’m really glad I’m not the only one feeling this way!
Hi Kylie, it’s a delicate balance isn’t it!
Thanks Trudie. It’s hard especially when you’re still in the ‘little bubba’ stage as you are. Your time will come. x
Yep it’s about stopping those ridiculous freak-outs isn’t it. xx
Thanks Bec. Don’t worry we are all working on it. x
It’s one we all struggle with Julie. At some point though we just have to take the time and trust that our boys will sort themselves out (which they do when we give them the chance). xx
Yes, yes and yes! I really SHOULD let go of shoulds….. 😉