Healing Meditation

I’ve been wanting to share some work on healing for a while now, but I knew I needed to be in the right space myself before I could do that. While I’m certainly not ‘done’ (is there such a thing?) I do feel ready to start sharing some meditations with you, and talking a little bit more about the things I’ve been doing that have helped. I also want to share with you some perspectives of the women in this community who have reached out to share their story with me, because it really has been amazingly healing for me to know how they have made their way through it. Maybe their words will help you too?

I’ll be referring to grief and healing today in general, because I believe that while you may be grieving a baby, a child, a parent, a partner, a friend, a relationship – the feelings and ways we cope are often the same.

Through all of this I’ve found one of the biggest challenges is just to sit with the grief.  It’s so easy to throw myself into my day doing all the things for the boys, the house, work… Whenever I have a spare minute it is so easy just to pick up my phone, watch another episode of something on Netflix, check in on social media, send a message to a friend.  It’s easy to numb any feelings with never-ending busy-ness, or food, or wine or work.  Until one day, for no particular reason all of the feelings catch up with you and you feel like you can’t function.  It’s like the months worth of grief that you’ve been shoving down into your socks, comes slamming down on you.

After my first two losses this is how I coped. I kept looking forward to the new plan. The next project. The next thing I would do.  And the easiest distraction of all thinking about the next baby.  I would be okay for a few weeks, sometimes months and then BAM. It would all crash down and it was just as painful as if it has just happened yesterday.

I’ve definitely taken longer this time to crawl out of the hole. I believe it’s because I no longer have ‘the next plan’, ‘the next baby’, the next anything really.

Sometimes I feel like every time I’ve said  ‘bring yourself to the present, right here, right now’ in a yoga class is coming back to kick me in the arse, because now I literally have no other place to be.  This time I’ve found that I am being forced to be present. I struggle to make casual plans even for next week because it feels so unknown in my brain. While it’s obviously what I need to do, it doesn’t make it any less painful.

So I’m attempting to take my own advice. To put my big girl yoga pants on and breathe through it.

The healing meditation I’m sharing today is based on this. It’s not an easy practice by any means – I’m asking you to sit with your pain today and breathe through it. We’ll do it together. xx