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  • in reply to: Opening Circle #8390

    Hi Bettina, hi everyone,

    I am Oana from Berlin and I’m 32. I’ll start with the beginning. I got my period when I was 10,5 years old. I had no idea about it, so it was damn scarry. I still have a bad connection with a specific smell of banana peel, because I was eating bananas that day. Crazy, right? (I still love bananas though, especially the greener ones.) My mom wanted to tell me all about it, but she didn’t think it’ll happen so soon for me, so it took her by surprise as well. My mom was a little scared, because that meant puberty was early for me and my body wouldn’t develop so much: as a result, I am not very tall (153 cm). Besides, I didn’t have a great relationship with my body back then. I didn’t like my period, but I wasn’t thinking so much about it. Like Cat said, I didn’t really have a relationship with my cycle up until I started trying to conceive. That was the point when I started to read a lot about it and realized I didn’t know anything about my cycle. Wow, after 30 years of my life I knew so little! I hadn’t even realize I can feel when I ovulate (not the exact moment, but the day +-1). Well, I still don’t know if this was because of my ignorance or my body was quieter back then. The words I use around my period are usually neutral, but there is one specific expression in my mother tongue that is actually not very positive: to be on stop (hard to translate, but I think you get the idea) or to be on red (which also means stop, so it sounds like something is forbidden during this time). When I get my period I feel disappointed. We’ve been trying to have a baby for almost two years and it hasn’t worked out. We don’t really know why. My cycle was a little irregular at the beginning, I was having my ovulation after 20 days (sometimes 21, sometimes 25), which was not normal for me since I was having ~28-29 days cycles back in the day. After no doctor could tell me why (except that my estrogen was low, but that’s not the cause, that’s just another symptom, right??), I started a quest for myself and realized I was actually a little underweight. I put a lot of effort into eating more, which I find quite hard. Now I’m eating quite normal I would say (I can’t eat more, but I feel like I eat enough, I am never hungry), but I only managed to put on around 2 kg. Still, this made a huge difference to my cycle and in a few months my ovulation was around day 18 and it stayed like this since (it’s almost an year now). But after trying accupuncture (stopped it because of my anxiety – I don’t like to stay alone in a room for 30 minutes with needles inside my body, it’s very vulnerable and incapacitating), hypnosis, meditation, still nothing… I have to confess that I stopped doing these nice things for me a few months ago, and I’ve been quite stressed these past months, but now I’m having some time for myself again and I want to do yoga every day and try to find again that inner peace. Meditation and yoga have really helped me not feel so sad anymore and to have more faith into my body. So now I’m looking for that faith and strength again and I’m trying to be optimistic. And some day I hope to help other women find their inner peace as well.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by grisina.
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