Dreaming of white space

Once upon a time white space was not something we even had to be aware of. We already had it everywhere. 

When we waited in line our minds drifted and daydreamed.

As we ate our breakfast at the dining table and had the space to mentally plan out our day.

Creative ideas would flow as we walked the dog.

Now though? …

We pull out our smart phone and check in as soon as we have a moment of waiting time

We catch up on our insta-stories as we unconsciously shovel spoonfuls of porridge into our mouths.

We can’t hear our own creative thoughts because our ears are filled with music and podcasts each time we move.

Or is this just me?

I think we underestimate how much energy the constant noise, constant connection takes from us.

We’re ‘on’ 24/7. We are not only contactable at all times of the day but we also feel pulled to be in connection, interacting, sharing, all day long. 

I don’t know about you, but I’m finding it exhausting, more so than ever during this pregnancy.

More than ever I’m wanting real books in my hands.

I want to take photos with a camera that won’t allow me to instantly share.

I want to take days to write long self-indulgent blog posts and emails, not flippant comments for social media.

I want to create without curating.

I want to have face to face conversations.

Don’t get me wrong. I still do love the internet so.

Perhaps it’s just that I need to make a little more white space for myself because at the moment, I’m feeling a bit blerrrggghhh when I think about it. I miss how I used to feel – which was total wonder and amazement that I could connect with all the new friends while sitting in my daggiest pjs scoffing chocolate.

But right now it feels like it’s sucking my motivation for everything, because according to the internet, everyone else is already doing it and better – so why bother?

I also often feel like I can’t get my own thoughts straight – there is no clarity, just a jumble of images and quotes and other people’s ideas from the few hours I spent scrolling. And I’m not kidding either – I will only ever scroll for a few minutes at a time – but I GUARANTEE it adds up over the course of the day.

My attention span sucks and I blame the internet (and motherhood a lil’ bit too). I used to be able to concentrate for long periods of time, now I find the moment my brain hits something a little bit difficult to do or think about, it starts looking for distraction.

Like right now, as I write this post, I come to a point where I’m not sure what to say next and I immediately want to open another browser and check out what’s happening on Facebook. It’s like my brain can no longer even tolerate a little challenge anymore and immediately looks for distraction.

I’ve been toying with the idea of a total disconnect from Facebook and Instagram. I’ve tried half-heartedly before. I delete the apps off my phone but do you know what I do instead? I just go into safari and check in there. It’s less convenient and probably takes me longer, but it’s my way of pretending to myself that I’m being better at using less social media.  #ihaveaproblem

I’d love to do a total disconnect from social media.

But can I even do that?

I run an online business and my in-person studio gets the majority of clients from Facebook and Instagram. Can I run a business without social media? Things to think about… I guess.

Have you done a total disconnect? For how long? Did the world as you know it fall apart?

***PS Would you look at those hands on the hips up there. 2 going on 20. #godhelpus