How are you dealing with the disappointment of not being pregnant?

I want to share something with you today that is really close to my heart and is something that I’m struggling with at the moment.


It’s about dealing with the disappointment of not being pregnant… yet again… and ALL the feelings that go along with that.


Watch the video below to listen or read on for the full transcript.



In our culture this is not something that we freely share with those who are closest with us. Instead we turn to the anonymous army of other women on the internet. It feels safer that way.


We don’t feel like we can share the disappointment of losing a baby that we never really had. A baby that existed purely in our expectations.


Today I want to share with you the 3 things that I use to bring me back from that crazy place of ‘why is it not happening for me yet again‘.


I hope that these tips help you find a little bit more peace along your journey to becoming a Mum, whether you’re one already or not.


Because I think that’s what it’s about. It’s not about fixing it. I don’t think I’m able to fix it for you, only maybe make the disappointment a little bit easier to handle.


How I’m dealing with the disappointment of not being pregnant.

  1. Allow yourself to grieve.

Even though getting your period again is not an actual physical loss, it can feel like one (emotionally anyway). We have all of these hopes and expectations around this baby that we’re trying to conceive and when it doesn’t happen it still feels like a loss. Our body can’t tell the difference between our emotions over this disappointment and those of losing a real baby.


So take a day or two to grieve.  When you have your period it’s the perfect energy to do this anyway. Cancel your plans, veg out on the couch, take yourself to bed, watch some sad movies, cry, whatever you need to do to feel ok and to feel like you’ve processed it.  Get that grief out and then allow yourself to move on.


Because sometimes when we don’t allow ourselves to grieve we can’t move on, because we get stuck in that feeling of sadness and resentment and that turns to anger. You find yourself constantly asking – “Why aren’t I pregnant?”


Allow yourself to feel sad, get angry, shout, however you feel you need to grieve. Let it go, get it out so that then you can move on to a more positive space.


2. Feel grateful for what you do have.

I know this is really hard to do. I know when you’ve got sisters and friends and the girl down the street who didn’t even want to get pregnant, getting pregnant, when you are trying everything, it really sucks. It feels like shit. You’re probably feeling angry and resentful.


But if you’re in that space, you’re just building up your stress levels, building up the negativity in your body. I hate to say it, but that is not the place to build a baby from. That is not the ideal environment in your body to conceive. Your body thinks stress!  I can’t get pregnant! It thinks there is something going on around you, like a famine or a war, and it won’t bring new life into that space.


You need to deal with that resentment and anger. The way you do that, is with gratefulness. Try to be grateful for what you do have. Look at the positives in your life. Use this time to enjoy having time with your husband or your partner and try to stay positive. I know it’s bloody hard. But if you can do that you are going to create a better environment in your body to conceive that baby.


3. Stay active in your life.

Waiting really sucks. Inactive waiting is the worst. That one where you put your life on hold and you think of everything in terms of “… when I…” or “… if I…”


Years can go by and you haven’t actually lived because you’ve been putting it off until baby arrives or you’ve been thinking you might be pregnant so you can’t do that. Please stop that. Please keep living your life. Please keep doing all of the wonderful things you were doing before this baby even became a possibility. Enjoy what you have now and I guarantee that road to becoming a Mum is going to be a lot more enjoyable for you and for your parter, and it will be even better when bub arrives.


I hope these three tips help. I know its a really hard journey. But give yourself the time to grieve properly, try to focus on what you’re grateful for and stay active in your life.


I’d love to know your story.  Connect with me via Facebook or email. It’s a hard road, but I know you’ll get there. xx

dealing with the disappointment of not being pregnant

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