Choosing joy over struggle
Some days life just feels like a struggle. Like I wish I could just go back to being a kid and having nothing to worry about or any responsibilities. Remember that?! When we thought life was ‘like so unfair and nobody took us seriously.’ Damn I wish I could go back to when life was not so serious.
Instead.
The house is a mess. It’s too hot. I’m uncomfortable. My pelvis/lower back aches. I have low blood pressure and need to lie down from dizzyness. Tantrums are being thrown by adults and children alike. People are rude. I don’t have enough time. There is too much to do. I’m lonely. Bills keep arriving. I forget the only thing I went to the grocery story for. Tantrums were thrown. Bribery was used. I feel like a bad mother. There are many many hours until bedtime. Our house is still a construction zone. I am dying to nest without anything to ‘nest in’. Eamon is sick. Sleep is scarce. I still haven’t called my friend back who called last week. I feel like a bad friend. The house is a mess. It’s too hot. I’m uncomfortable…
Some days this is literally what runs through my head. It doesn’t matter what your life actually looks like there will always be struggle. And it’s not about comparing mine to yours, because I know there are many many people who have it worse than me. I also know there are people who have it better than me. But it’s all ebb and flow and it will find it’s way around again eventually, doesn’t it?
Some days I need a great big slap in the face though. And don’t worry, the universe usually delivers and I don’t get to stay wallowing in the struggle for too long. Stories of families who are fighting a losing battle with cancer, mothers losing babies too soon, people who live without ever feeling safe, young children who have never had a full belly…
I don’t know what it is about pregnancy but it’s like all my emotions are turned up to extreme. I feel things more than I usually do. Other peoples’ sadness affects me more than it usually does, which is not necessarily a bad thing. When I’m lost in ‘the struggle’ feeling more is actually a blessing. It knocks me straight back into I have it so good, what the hell am I complaining about mode.
And suddenly instead of wallowing in the struggles I’m counting my blessings.
+ A perfectly healthy, mostly polite, fiercely strong-willed 2 year old boy.
+ A husband who is working round the clock to build us a beautiful home.
+ A home with so much potential. {6 months on and we’re still using real estate talk – oh dear}
+ A family who would drop everything if I ever asked.
+Friends, who despite our lack of time for physically catching up, are really never far away.
+ And then there are the simple things we often don’t even consider; food in our bellies, running water, safety.
Bloody hell we’ve got it good.
So why is it that it’s so easy to get lost in the struggle rather than choosing to focus on the joy?
Today I’m choosing joy. Are you?