Anger and Motherhood – you are NOT the only one
As you go to bed at night and think about your day, you immediately feel a hot rush of guilt.
You are exhausted.
You cracked and snapped and probably said things you shouldn’t have, in tones you shouldn’t have.
You vow things will be different tomorrow.
You won’t lose it when your four year old can’t find his shoes…five minutes after he just had them on his feet.
You won’t mutter under your breath ‘go the f*** to sleep’ when the baby resists your every attempt to get them to shut their eyes, despite being psychotically distraught from their own exhaustion.
You’ll try not to snap at your husband when he comes home late from work, right in the middle of witching hour and proceeds to add to the chaos, rather then help it.
Tomorrow will be different, you think as you pass out.
Then the next day arrives (far too soon for your liking).
It starts off well. You’re still tired but you manage to get everyone fed and dress without too much frustration.
Until…
You’re about to head out for the day and… the baby does an explosive poo that covers both of you from head to toe. Your two year old throws herself on the ground over your audacity to give her the purple water bottle instead of the pink one. Meanwhile your 5 year old refuses to turn the TV off to get ready. You battle, he lashes out, gets sent to his room for hitting and continues to rage on the other side of the door.
You snap.
It’s not pretty. And you immediately feel ashamed of how you lashed out.
You self-medicate the anger, the guilt and the all-round feeling of ‘I’m doing a shit job at this’ with your hidden stash of chocolate hiding in the back of the pantry.
Oh Mama.
Can I tell you that you are NOT the only one. Mothers all over the country are hiding in their pantrys to find five minutes of not having to repeat themselves, yet again.
You are not the only one wondering if this is what you wanted after all. Yes I know you planned this and tried and tried for ages. But it’s ok to admit that it isn’t at all what you expected.
You are not the only one who sighs in frustrations and thinks for GODS SAKE LET ME DO A POO IN PEACE.
You are not the only one who sometimes forgets why anyone willingly chooses this.
You are not the only one feeling overwhelmed, over-worked and under-appreciated.
You are not the only one who feels perpetually guilty. Like you’re doing a bad job. Like somehow you are failing them.
You are not the only one who finds they flash from anger to intense love in a moment.
You are not the only one who dreams of escaping the whining and the constant neediness of everyone around you.
You are not the only one who finds themselves constantly wishing for more time. For you. For them. To scrape the five kilos of weetbix cemented to your floor.
You are not alone.
I want you to know that, right down deep in your bones.
Because in knowing that it is not just you who feels this way you can get over the need to hide it. You can share the sheer frustration of it all with the other Mums at the park and quit pretending you’ve got it all together.
Because the truth is none of us do, all of the time.
A funny thing happens when you share the truth. The person who you share with usually has their own way of dealing with the frustration and you score new things to try that perhaps you’d never thought of. And suddenly these things don’t have as much weight to them. They don’t magically disappear, but they no longer feel like a dark secret that you’ve got to lug around.
I want you to know that you’re surrounded by others who completely get it. Reach out. We’re here.
Know someone who needs to read this? Share it with them today.
And if you need something to help take a little of the edge off your anger and guilt today – I’ve just added a new meditation to the studio. You can download this for free on the 30 day trial.
Big love. xx