Let your pile of good things grow…

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So what if, instead of thinking about solving your whole life, you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow.

 

A friend of mine messaged me this quote the other day. It’s one I’ve read (and loved) before, but it was a really nice reminder to receive. That day in particular I needed to read it.

 

Nothing earth shattering or life changing happened that day. No disaster. No event. Just your general life blah-ness where my mind inevitably wandered to alllll the sad things and wallowed there for a while.

 

Reading this quote made me realise what had happened… I’ve fallen off my happy list.

 

(If you’re new around here my happy list was a list of things I wrote for myself to do after our last loss. I was in a pretty dark place and needed something positive to focus on. Check out the original post here).

 

My happy list ‘due date’ is well and truly past and I managed to tick off 16 of the 20 items, which isn’t a bad effort really.

 

The result…? After 6 months I am definitely feeling happier. I have no proof of course that simply time passing wasn’t the antidote, but I do feel like the list helped. It made me actually do things for myself, instead of  leaving these things til last in line after allllll the other things that need to be done. Yep, my natural tendency is to prioritise myself below cleaning toilets and vacuuming (not good for anyone’s self esteem really, is it?)

 

The list helped because it said to myself (and everyone else – although, I’m not overly certain that anyone else really noticed either way) that doing things to make me happy is important. I am important. When I’m not doing these things for myself there is a feeling simmering below the surface. It whispers ‘no one cares about you, they take for granted all these things you do.’ It’s not actually true of course, but neither is half the things that bitchy little voice in my head says.  Doing these things says to that voice ‘pipe down crazy, you’re doing okay.’

 

The problem is though, my old happy list wasn’t replaced with a new one.  Instead, I replaced it with too much work (and not the kind I really want to be doing) and distraction from all said non-ideal work (yep, my social media obsession seems to be back with a vengeance).

 

And then it becomes a bit of a negative cycle really.

 

Not looking after myself and doing things for myself becomes feeling blah.

Feeling blah means I look for distraction anywhere, frantically, obsessively.

Distraction steals all of my time and energy.

Having no time and energy makes me feel frustrated and unmotivated.

Feeling frustrated and unmotivated is like an anxiety machine that makes me seek more distraction to stop the feeling of anxiety.

Which ends with me feeling blah and not having the time or energy to look after myself properly.

 

Hello negative never-ending cycle.

 

It’s tempting to fall into the trap of thinking a quick fix or a huge transformation is necessary when you’re in this state. But usually the reverse is true.  Nothing drastic is needed, just tiny little changes… regularly. And that’s the kicker, isn’t it?

 

Because it’s not all that hard to make changes. What’s hard is doing them for longer than 3 days. I can’t tell you why a list helps me. All I can tell you is, if I have a list (and a due date) – I’ll do it. If I don’t – I won’t. 

 

If you’re still with me here (and perhaps you’re nodding along somewhat too), you may have already guessed that all of this is leading to the fact that …. it’s time for The Happy List V2. 

 

So… here goes.

 

The Happy List V2 – 10 things 

Due Date: December 31st

  1. Music festival / live music
  2. Swim in the ocean at least once a week (I’ve recently rediscovered how good this is. I’m usually a shoreline sitter).
  3. Organise a girl’s night.
  4. Learn how to & make better hand held videos (for no reason other than to make memories of my kids)
  5. Get back into blogging weekly, for me.
  6. Read 4 novels. (the trashier the better)
  7. Go to the movies solo (is it weird that I actually really love doing this alone?)
  8. Try a new type of exercise class.
  9. Christmas craft with the boys
  10. Make art regularly (and give myself permission for it to be baaaaaddddd, and ugly and for no one else’s viewing but my own.)

 

Alright so that’s my list! I strongly encourage you to write your own list (and give yourself a due date) and if you do I’d love for you to share it with me. Oh and I’ll hold you accountable if you do the same for me!

 

 

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